It's a classic parenting frustration: you give a clear instruction, and it's met with... well, nothing. It's easy to jump to the conclusion that your child is being deliberately defiant. But host Aaron Brewster offers a more nuanced, and frankly more helpful, biblical framework for understanding why your kids don't always obey.

There are three core reasons, and each requires a different approach from you, dad.

**1. They Won't (Iniquity)**
This is the one we're most familiar with. It's pure, simple rebellion. They know what to do, they're capable of doing it, but they just don't want to. This is a heart issue, rooted in their (and our) sin nature. They're choosing their own will over yours (and by extension, God's).
* **Your Response:** This requires discipline that addresses the heart. It's not just about getting the task done; it's about addressing the defiance and disobedience. This is where you deal with their *iniquity*.

**2. They Shan't (Inadequacy)**
'Shan't' is a brilliant, old-fashioned word that captures a different kind of failure to obey. It's not that they refuse; it's that they are immature, inexperienced, or ignorant of *how* to do what you've asked. They might have the physical ability, but they lack the knowledge or skill.
* **Example:** You tell your 8-year-old to "clean your room." To you, that means putting away toys, making the bed, and putting laundry in the hamper. To him, it's an overwhelming, undefined task. He doesn't know where to start, so he does nothing.
* **Your Response:** This isn't a moment for discipline; it's a moment for teaching. You need to break down the task, show them how, and work alongside them. You're addressing their *inadequacy* with training.

**3. They Can't (Inability)**
This is when you've genuinely asked for something that is beyond your child's physical or developmental capabilities. They literally cannot do it.
* **Example:** Asking a toddler to sit perfectly still through a long church service or expecting a child with dysgraphia to write a neat, multi-page essay without support.
* **Your Response:** This requires you to re-evaluate your expectations. It's not a failure on their part; it's a miscalculation on yours. You need to adjust the task to fit their actual *inability*.

By taking a moment to diagnose which of these three reasons is behind the disobedience, you can respond far more effectively. Instead of defaulting to frustration and discipline for every infraction, you can become a dad who teaches, trains, and adapts, building a much stronger and more grace-filled relationship with your kids.