Feeling like your teenager has been replaced by a moody, secretive stranger? It’s a classic parenting predicament, but according to journalist Matt Richtel, it’s not something to take personally. In fact, it's a critical part of their development.
Richtel explains that adolescence has a definitive purpose: **to integrate the known with the unknown.**
* **The Known:** This is everything you, as their dad, have taught them. The values, the rules, the history, the 'user manual' for life that you've carefully provided.
* **The Unknown:** This is everything they must now test against the real world. Does what dad said actually work? What new ground can I break? Who am I, separate from my family?
This isn't rebellion for rebellion's sake; it's a biological and psychological imperative. Their brains are firing up in new ways, making them hyper-aware of their environment outside the home. They are hardwired to explore, to probe, and to figure out their own place in the world. It’s an inflection point of information processing unlike any other they will experience in their lives. So, when they question your wisdom or seem distant, remember they're not rejecting you; they're on a vital mission of discovery.
Richtel explains that adolescence has a definitive purpose: **to integrate the known with the unknown.**
* **The Known:** This is everything you, as their dad, have taught them. The values, the rules, the history, the 'user manual' for life that you've carefully provided.
* **The Unknown:** This is everything they must now test against the real world. Does what dad said actually work? What new ground can I break? Who am I, separate from my family?
This isn't rebellion for rebellion's sake; it's a biological and psychological imperative. Their brains are firing up in new ways, making them hyper-aware of their environment outside the home. They are hardwired to explore, to probe, and to figure out their own place in the world. It’s an inflection point of information processing unlike any other they will experience in their lives. So, when they question your wisdom or seem distant, remember they're not rejecting you; they're on a vital mission of discovery.
Adolescence is a process with a definitive purpose: to integrate the known and the unknown.
Dad Action Plan:
- Reframe your teen's challenging behaviour as exploration, not rejection.
- Acknowledge that their job is to test the 'known' world you've given them.
- Avoid taking their need for independence personally; it's a biological drive.
- Focus on being a stable 'home base' they can return to after exploring.
Source
Podcast: Good Inside with Dr. Becky
Episode: How We Grow Up: Inside the Adolescent Brain with Matt Richtel
Host: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Timestamp: 00:05:34