After establishing that it was healthy for her to step back from her mother's care, the caller, Bridget, asked a crucial question: "When my sadness comes up, what should I do?" Dr. Laura's response was instant, direct, and brilliant: "Shrinky Dinks. Grab a Shrinky Dink. I'm serious. Keep them around."
This simple instruction is a powerful technique for managing the inevitable feelings of guilt or sadness that can arise after setting a necessary boundary with a family member. The strategy is to immediately redirect the negative emotion into the very activity that is helping you heal and build a better life for yourself.
Instead of dwelling on the guilt, which is unproductive and draining, you actively engage in the positive, self-caring habit you've established. For Bridget, that's her art. For you, it could be:
- Putting on your running shoes and going for a quick jog around the block.
- Picking up the knitting needles for just a few rows.
- Spending five minutes in the garden.
- Playing a quick song on the piano.
By physically replacing the old, draining habit of worrying and feeling guilty with a new, fulfilling action, you are retraining your brain and reinforcing the positive change you've made. It's a real-life hack for managing difficult emotions.
This simple instruction is a powerful technique for managing the inevitable feelings of guilt or sadness that can arise after setting a necessary boundary with a family member. The strategy is to immediately redirect the negative emotion into the very activity that is helping you heal and build a better life for yourself.
Instead of dwelling on the guilt, which is unproductive and draining, you actively engage in the positive, self-caring habit you've established. For Bridget, that's her art. For you, it could be:
- Putting on your running shoes and going for a quick jog around the block.
- Picking up the knitting needles for just a few rows.
- Spending five minutes in the garden.
- Playing a quick song on the piano.
By physically replacing the old, draining habit of worrying and feeling guilty with a new, fulfilling action, you are retraining your brain and reinforcing the positive change you've made. It's a real-life hack for managing difficult emotions.
When my sadness comes up... what should I do? ... Shrinky dinks. Grab a shrinky dink. I'm serious. Keep them around.
Dad Action Plan:
- Identify your personal 'Shrinky Dink' - a simple, positive activity that brings you peace or joy.
- Keep the tools for this activity easily accessible.
- The moment you feel a wave of guilt or sadness about a boundary, immediately engage in that activity, even for just a few minutes.
- Acknowledge the feeling, then deliberately shift your physical and mental energy to the positive action.
Source
Podcast: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode: I Channeled My Anger into Art
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Timestamp: 07:24